HowMuchYouLookingFor?

i made a list of five things to do this week and didn't even finish the list (i started strong.  slowly faded).

work is fine
friendships are dying
school is non existent
alone time is booming
i just need to type one more good post before i go
just pushpin my heart back into place




the lyric videos for bon iver's new album 22, a million are amazing (that word honestly doesn't do them justice).  they are, inspiring (?), and there aren't many artists who inspire me (consciously).

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLN61gg9VNXPomdZu0UY_wwoDkjSdAB_uE
i don't know, i love them, love doesn't always make sense

the "real world" after highschool isn't too bad so far
i thought mr. nelson wasn't posting his writing but i found his wordpress blog and i forgave him
(not that i was mad at him or anything, maybe just sad at him) (zac at him)

the tv shows on disney channel make me uncomfortable
one time sol said

but i think i do that too often;
my posts don't go anywhere;
i'm not going anywhere;



7/7

IHatePuttingMyHairBehindMyEars,NoMatterHowHelpfulItIs

i'm not getting any better

the week is ending

(no plans,no plans)

(writing only at night)

("busy")

6/7

IForgotToPost,ButNoOneWasCountingOnIt

you are Geppetto and I am Pinocchio

i didn't rehearse for any of this

i have so many crescent moons on my body 

i don't get recommendations a lot

i don't go out a lot

⚰️🌹

5/7

MyGrandfatherUsedToCallMeMrStoic

I have so many questions but only a few answers

(not questions like, "why are we here?" and "why do we fall in love?" but questions like, "why do we zone out?" and "why are robbers usually depicted with black and white striped shirts?")




i want you to play me the songs that mean something deep in your heart

(not songs that necessarily sound beautiful but songs that mean something beautiful)




speak to me in your native tongue

undress me with your words

baptize me in your bathtub

bury me in your garden




4/7

MakeAsMuchNoiseAsYouCan

things in my life are slow and i am the only one who can really change that

you recommend i get help and i'm afraid to admit i'm broken

i got a fortune cookie that said a big project was in my future.

"are you one of them?"

i'm sorry if you're reading this and i'm especially sorry if you're my (future) son

i didn't want you to think of me like this

mr nelson, i'm sorry if you're reading this

brooklyn, you told me that you liked my last blog post and it made me smile

kenna, i'm sorry

if mark twain could read my writing i don't really know what his response would be because i'm not familiar with his work but if kanye west read it i don't think he would like it very much.

i don't know and i'm sorry are phrases i use too often

i _____ you, and i'm not joking

i have a lot more to say than these other artists

(i'm just not sure how to speak)

3/7

WeWereHereFirst

i want you to know that the only movie i have cried in is big fish and it wasn't even sad

i got prescribed glasses when i was in the sixth grade but i don't wear them unless i'm at the movie theater or driving

i don't know why i am writing this, i don't like talking about myself very much

i don't go to church anymore

i don't follow back a lot of people on instagram/twitter and i don't really know why, i am just weird like that and i guess would like to be better friends before i follow you back? (but i follow people i've met maybe once??)

i just got a job, and i drink more coffee lately than i have in a long time

i don't get a lot of sleep, but that's nothing new

a girl asked me the other day what my favorite childhood memory was and i didn't know how to answer. it's not that i didn't have a good childhood, it's just that the good memories faded away and i'm just left with sad/scary memories (i don't hate my childhood)

i remember in the third grade a girl called shayni told the people at my table a scary story and i was so scared.  i remember telling my teacher about the story and crying and she made the class sit down 

with me and tell me jokes. 

my writing doesn't go anywhere or solve anything, i don't think anyone really reads my posts but that's fine i'm just writing for myself i suppose. 

2/7

MyMumCutHerFingerBadToday

sunday october second two thousand (and) sixteen

plans for this week:

• i will write something new (and post it) every day (of this week)
• i will go to bed before one o clock in the morning (of this week)
• i will not do drugs
• i will make a new friend every day (of this week)
• i will do 10+ pull ups and 20+ push ups every night (of this week)

please listen to blond(e) by frank ocean and 22, a million by bon iver. those are two albums that i have grown to love and they actually have influenced me a bit and made me think/see things differently. musicians don't usually influence me a whole lot, so when an album or song makes me "feel something", then i trust it? (i don't know)

start doing things differently

the first kiss/girlfriend/love i had is getting married in thirteen days

the last kiss/girlfriend/love i had just unfollowed me on social media

"honey, understand that i have been left here in the reeds" 

11:18pm, signing out, goodnight, see you tomorrow,

zachary chandler ford

1/7